How much is too much? I spend countless hours reading about melanoma. I know that lots of people find that a tad much. They think that I'm going overboard. However, I find some kind of peace and I really enjoy reading about it. I find a connection to others in reading their stories. It's like a support system in a way. It's different, because you don't actually know the people and they are all over the world. However, the one common thread is melanoma. And, none of them seem to care what stage you are/were. But, boy, do all these people care about each other!
I'm always looking for events about melanoma. It's interesting that there aren't that many in Cincinnati. There is an annual run/walk in the spring each year, in memory of Andy Caress. When I found out about it this year, it was just after my surgery. I could not physically walk a 5k at that time due to the pain in my leg. (It was way more than I expected it to be, the recovery took much longer than we thought.) I plan to do the 5k next spring. Melanoma Know More has an annual fundraiser in August. The Sunscreen Squad (which stems from the Andy Caress Foundation) passes out literature and sunscreen at various events, namely the ATP Tennis Tournament in Mason. There were other things that I missed, because they were early in the spring or early in May. I didn't really get on the melanoma bandwagon until May. I continually look for Cincinnati area events, because I feel like I want to do something. I
need to do something. I even wonder if I could put something together? I plan to do some education and awareness at school this year, with hope to initiate a no-tanning homecoming and prom pledge. I want an awareness bracelet and ring. I have found the bracelet I want and am planning to order it-
http://www.etsy.com/listing/96175845/black-ribbon-bracelet-9-swarovski?ref=shop_home_active
I wonder if all the information I take in is good? Not long ago, my little one wanted to use the iPad (a gift to me from hubby for Christmas, thanks, hon!) for something, and I gave her permission. When she turned it on, she said something like, "Geez, mom, you have like 5 melanoma tabs up!" Should I not be checking all my sites every day? There are lots of people who are clear for many years after their initial run-in with melanoma. Then, it returns like no one's business, bigger and worse than before. We know a man battling Stage 4 melanoma, right now, in our school community. A few years ago, he was free of melanoma.
I've only had a few people even say to me that they even view my experience as cancer. Most people, when you say "melanoma" they just nod. They think it's like basal cell or squamous cell. You just get that cut out at the dermatology office, right? I remember telling my mom when I was diagnosed, that my friend I teach with who had cervical cancer and had to undergo a complete hysterectomy to rid her body of the cancer, she had "real" cancer. That same friend has told me numerous times that my cancer is real, too. I do not view myself as a "survivor" because I didn't have to undergo treatments- my cancer was removed very easily. I actually think it was removed in the initial biopsy. There was no cancer in the huge chunk of skin they took in my surgery. So, it was already gone when they did it, right?
And now I face this journey with hubby. It's strange, but I think it gives us one more commonality. We both spent a great deal of time in the sun in our lives. We both grew up with pools in the back yard, and hubby was an avid golfer. Neither of us used sunscreen. I even continued to lie in the sun each summer at the pool into adulthood. OK, let's be honest; up until last summer, 2012. I was at the pool at 10am. My kids had sunscreen on, but I was using tanning oil. Argh! Hubby's grandfather also had melanoma- that is how they found the cancer in his lungs. It had spread there.
This makes us concerned for our own children as there is a genetic component to melanoma. Our oncologist says that only about 65% of melanomas are from sun exposure. I've not read that statistic anywhere else- but that is what he told me.
Hubby and I will have similar scars- although hubby thinks his will not be as prominent as mine because of all the Vitamin D he takes. We'll see... He is recovering from surgery #3 since October, on his left hand, currently. The melanoma is on his upper right arm. He has the potential of having 2 bum arms at the same time! But, we will be in it together. I told him today that we will have to take pictures of our scars together- it will be cool. I took pictures of my leg as it healed after my surgery, with little Post-it notes with the date on them stuck to my leg. I just wanted to document the process. I'm sure he will let me do that with his, as well. He also keeps reminding me that it's not a competition, that we will each handle it differently, feel differently, and heal differently. I think that is a big hang up for me. I have about a 5" scar on my thigh. It's a bit keloid (derm thinks she can inject it eventually to help it smooth out at bit...). But, I'm a girl, and I have a big, thick, red, raised scar on my leg. I'm reminded of it a lot. And seeing it reminds me of melanoma.
I will have to remember that ours was caught early, we are fortunate. We will have to be vigilant from here on out. Most people in similar situations do not ever have any further problems. We cannot let this consume us (and by that I really mean me, not us; hubby is not consumed by it...). So, where do I draw the line? I know hubby will be putting the majority of this behind him after his surgery, where I try to hold on to it. He knows the facts and once it's cut out and pronounced "clear", he will move on and not dwell on it.
We all deal with things differently. I guess there is no right or wrong way to do that. We each have to find our own way.
